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    “I Ain’t an Athlete, Lady…”
    My Well-Rounded Life and Times

    by John Kruk, Paul Hagen

    📕 “I Ain’t an Athlete, Lady…” • Click Here 📕

    • Genres: sports, baseball, biography, memoir
    • Author: John Kruk, Paul Hagen
    • Language: english
    • Publisher: Simon & Schuster
    • ISBN: 9780671897949 (0671897942)
    • Format: hardcover, 256 pages
    • Release date: January 1, 1994

    About The Book

    There’s a story, a funny story, about me sitting in a restaurant. I’m eating this big meal and maybe having a couple of beers and smoking a cigarette. A woman comes by the table. She recognizes me and she’s shocked because it seems like I should be in training or something. She’s getting all over me, saying that a professional athlete should take better care of himself. I lean back and I say to her, “I ain’t an athlete, lady. I’m a baseball player.”

    That pretty much sums it up. In an age when athletes are getting bigger and stronger and more imposing every day, John Kruk of the National League champion Philadelphia Phillies is a hero for the rest of us. He likes his food, he likes his beer, he doesn’t see much point in combing his hair and he plays the game of baseball too well for anyone to get away with hassling him about any of it. A three-time all-star, Kruk has maintained a .309 average since coming to the Phillies in 1989 and has had more fun doing it than just about anybody in sports today.

    You knew the World Series against Toronto was going to be an offensive series, and [the 15-14 game] sort of epitomized that. It sucked. It was a worthless game. I told Paul Molitor — it seemed like the eighth time he was on base that day — “This ain’t a World Series. The World Series is supposed to be the two best teams in the world playing. I mean, you could go to Williamsport and get two little League teams to play better than we are tonight.”

    “I Ain’t an Athlete, Lady …” is John Kruk’s loose, funny view of his life, his world, his game, and his teammates — the wildest and flakiest bunch of players since the Gashouse Gang of the 1930s. (“In our clubhouse, if you called somebody a psychopathic idiot, it was a pretty good compliment.”) Kruk shares his stories of growing up in a small town in West Virginia (“People in West Virginia do have cars. We have indoor plumbing. We even use knives and forks”), passes along his diet tips (“The best diet is just to go into a restaurant and say, ‘Give me the thing on your menu that tastes the worst.’ It’ll probably be good for you, because that’s what everything else I’ve eaten that’s supposed to be good for me tastes like”), takes us on a tour of the Phillies’ locker room (“When Jim Eisenreich first came to the Phillies, I said to some of the guys, ‘Look at that guy. He looks like a mass murderer, staring like he wants to kill one of us.

    He looks like Jeffrey Dahmer.’ So I started calling him Dahmer, and he liked it”), and tells why he was looking forward to a post-World Series visit to the White House (“He may be President, but he’s not pardoned from being ragged on. If I can get on Dale Murphy, I can rag Bill Clinton”).

    . Kruk’s take-nothing-too-seriously-and-take-no-prisoners outlook shines through. “I Ain’t an Athlete, Lady …” makes clear why Kruk is rapidly becoming the most popular player in the game today.

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